Every word I wrote was my own, and every word will ring true after all these years have passed. The moonlight fades as the sun crawls up above the horizon for a new day. That new day is you. You hold the pen and paper that is this present. Whatever you choose to do with the time that is given to us is what will be written on those pages. These words are for you, my love...

I broke a girl’s heart not too long ago. I’m not proud of it, but it happened. While I take full responsibility for breaking her heart, I can’t help but think that it wouldn't have broken as easily if she had a sturdier heart. You see, we all have different hearts at different times in our lives. When we are young, we make ourselves paper hearts, naive and fragile. It’ll get cut up and ripped to pieces of you aren't careful. But even if you are careful, it will probably get torn to shreds. It’s only paper In time we will replace that paper heart with something else. We can have hearts made of glass, beautiful to the eye, but when it breaks it shatters into millions of pieces and there’s no hope to repair it. And again, over time, we will find a new heart. It could be a wooden heart, one carved from something that was strong, alive, and full of life. It can last a great amount of time, but a simple flame could destroy it. That flame can do more than destroy one wooden heart. It can destroy families and burn homes to the ground. Hearts of stone exist for those who have broken too many hearts. But even hearts made of stone don’t last forever. If left out in the open, the stone will break down after constant exposure to the elements. A mechanical heart may be implanted after all other hearts have failed, with steam valves rather than aortic ventricles. It'll endure far more than one of stone, wood, glass or paper, but when it breaks down, it'll explode and damage everything around it. Then there’s the heart of flesh and blood. We are all born with it, but it’s quickly abandoned, for we are taught early on to replace things with so called nicer upgrades, even when there is nothing wrong with what we have. It’s not the nicest looking heart, so we are told it must be replaced. But the thing about that heart is, if it breaks it'll eventually heal itself over time, and become stronger. And it might keep on breaking, but it'll keep on getting stronger. It really endures, which can’t be said for the other hearts. Those other hearts – once they break, that’s it. We have to replace them. Our original heart could serve us for all our lives, but we are taught to throw it away. So while my actions may have broken that girl’s heart, the fact that she had a weaker heart can't be overlooked.

I honestly think that there is no greater love than that of doing something, or being a part of something, or being with someone that you truly believe in. If you believe in something strongly enough to want to stick with it for the long haul, that’s what really matters. But, the way I see it, the really important part is finding out what’s really important, and keeping your priorities in check. If you lose sight of what really matters, you’ll end up being in a state of mind you don’t want to be in. But the crazy thing is, you may not even know that you are in a place you don’t want to be. Take it from me. I've been there. I was in a relationship that I thought was the best thing to ever happen to me. I fell in love, and thought I had found the woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I know now that she wasn't the one, and that being in that relationship was one of the worst things to ever happen to me. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I was happy at the time. But looking back , I wasn't doing anything except being in that relationship. I had been robbed of my identity. I wasn't doing the things I believed in anymore. I didn't have any priorities set. There was something in me that had existed at one point, but it had gone away, and I wasn't myself. Once that ended, I was in one of the worst states of mind I have ever been in. Because I had lost everything that I had when I lost her, I had nothing. I felt hopeless. I thought I had nothing going for me. Somewhere along the line my priorities got messed up, and that's how I ended up being in such a state of what I guess you could call despair. I had lost hope. One day I came to realize that I had gotten to a point where I looked in the mirror and didn't recognize the person staring back. I was a complete stranger to myself. Once I noticed that, I was able to start working on fixing the problem. I got reacquainted with myself and with people I hadn't seen in ages. I had started to focus on doing what made me happy. I wasn't trying to impress anyone or make anyone else happy. Once I started looking out for myself, everything kind of fit into place. Now I’m at a place where I’m ready to take on the world. I know that what I’m doing is right, and I’m doing things for the right reasons. I know what the important shit is, and what stuff is the not-so-important shit too. I’m glad I have the support that I have now. It was something that wasn't there before. I was one person’s support system, and I felt like she wasn't there to support me. That’s not what being in a relationship is about. It’s about being there for each other. I was blind to the fact that that just wasn't happening. I’m at a good place now though. I’m at a point where my priorities are in focus, and I believe that there is no greater love than that.

There was a beautiful girl who came from the sea, and there was just one place that she wanted to be. With a man named Walker who played in a band. She would leave the ocean and come onto the land. He was the one that she wanted the most. And she tried everything to capture this ghost. But throughout all their lives they never connected. She wandered the earth alone and rejected. She tried looking happy. She tried looking tragic. She tried astral projecting, sex, and black magic. Nothing could join them, except maybe one thing, just maybe…something to anchor their spirits…they had a baby. Hearts screaming out as depression sets in. Loneliness, it kills like ice. But to give birth to the baby they needed a crane. The umbilical cord was in the form of a chain. It was ugly and gloomy, and as hard as a kettle. It had no pink skin, just heavy gray metal. The baby that was meant to bring them together, just shrouded them both in a cloud of foul weather. So Walker took off to play with the band. And from that day on, he stayed mainly on land. And she was alone with her gray baby anchor, so got so oppressive that it eventually sank her. As she went to the bottom, not fulfilling her wish, it was her, and her baby…and a few scattered fish. Death sets in as depression kills.

We’re all terrible people with angry jealous souls that want nothing more than to be with the ones we love. There’s this feeling in the pit of my stomach that gnaws at me every night I end up sleeping alone and I can’t blame anyone but myself and you. We together put me through this every night for weeks on end until the miles become so few that we are one. But the relief is fleeting, for the miles return and the unsettling feeling returns and I can’t help but spend sleepless nights worrying and worrying until my mind is coated in poison and nothing but terrible thoughts travel through my nerves and every inch of my skins itches with anxiety laced with jealousy. When the miles are gone and we are one, I’m elated. Those appalling feelings cease to exist, but its only temporary. For a brief moment everything is perfect, and that’s how every moment I spend with you feels. Your presence is a divine gift but your absence is a living hell. I can carry the weight of all of this anxiety but I can only carry it for so long before the weight of it all comes crashing down and breaks my back. I see you and me together and that’s all I ever see and when we aren't together and nothing until we are reunited and then I just see us and I can't get out of this continuous mindset. These thoughts keep repeating themselves in my head, playing out and projecting themselves on the movie screen for everyone to see, and I don’t even charge admission but I should because if I don’t get to profit off of my emotions than why the fuck am I doing this to myself? But at the end of it all, all it takes is a 50 second phone call to make everything better, and I can rest for the day and no longer worry about anything. No matter what you have this power about you to diffuse all those negative emotions.

I'm buying paint for the caricature I'm putting on for the world You don't deserve to know who I really am. You'll just see a sketch with a splash of color I guarantee I'll be like no other What exactly do you want to see? Let me know and I'll make that me I'm so sick of these goddamn kids. Loneliness over all of this. Did you really think it was worth it? I'm done being something I'm not. I can't please everyone, this is who I am. I think that we're all painting caricatures of ourselves, and putting that on display for the world instead of showing who we really are. So lets wash the paint away and start anew. I used to do everything for you But I looked in the mirror and didn't see me I can't stare myself down anymore I'm scrubbing off all the paint and erasing the drawing Its just not who I am I'm so sick of these goddamn kids. None of this was worth it.

I try not to look at the photographs of you and I, for the memories of us come rushing back and the fact that those days are over eats at me inside every day already. I don’t need the constant reminder of how the ship sank on us. I’m a fucked up guy who only wants a little piece of mind, and some comfort from your touch. Lately I've been thinking about us. Looking back on our time together, reliving moments that got too real. Like that December night. You told me you were leaving. Not leaving me. That you were leaving. That was a life I couldn't lose. I replay that night when you were in that cold hospital far too often. It’s a night I wish I could forget. People told me I’m a hero, but I came too close to silence to be the person they think I am. The guilt ate away for weeks until I saw you New Years Eve. While I was face first in the bowl unloading more than just verbal bile at you, you sat there and comforted me, but I’m beyond comfort. Beyond love. Beyond not having you. I keep imagining what life would be like if you did it. It’s a life I don’t want to live. It became too close to reality that night. I keep having this nightmare that you pulled it off, and I wake up screaming in the coldest sweat. Waking up from that, the thought of wiping my mind clean of you occurs. To enjoy the eternal sunshine of a spotless mind. I love all of the good times we had, but if you take yourself away from us all, I would go through that if it meant never having to relive it. Never having to wake up and remember that you’re gone.

At first when I looked back on the year and a half I spent with you, it was too much to bear. I used to drown my sorrows in all the memories I had of the two of us. I used to watch all these movies we used to watch, and I’d listen to all of the bands that you loved and I hated, hoping I’d find some kind of secret message I was missing out on. I hoped to find some way to win you back. I used to look at the photos of us every day. All of them. There were hundreds to look at, and you looked so beautiful in every single one of them. That lasted that entire summer. After that summer, I tried to convince myself that I was better than you, and didn't need to be so down all the time. It didn't work for long, and I once again longed to win you back. I made the mistake of writing you one night, but I said the opposite of what I felt. You never wrote back. I don’t blame you. I wouldn't want to talk to someone who spoke to me like that. At the time, I didn't even realize what I had done wrong. My judgment was clouded by the will to get you back. It was around this time I tried to re-identify who I was. After spending so much time with you, my individuality was crippled by association. I was a shadow of what I used to be. It was around this time that I put my efforts into A Few Good Words, and threw myself back into the world through my work. It was because of this that I had made new friends, and rekindled relationships with old ones. In the months that followed, I really did get better. I re-identified myself. But even though I was doing well, I was still alone. Until I met her. I thought she was great at first, and it took me awhile to see what I was really doing. I was healing. My heart was healing after all of the damage it sustained from you, and from keeping it on my sleeve instead of locked out of sight. She helped that organic heart heal, but in the process I had no choice but to break her. I guess it costs a heart to repair one. I regret that it came to that, but it had to be done. Once that happened, I thought of you. I thought about how you must have felt knowing you were going to break my heart. Looking back, now having done the same thing to someone else, I feel like a small part of me understood why it had to be done. I finally got how someone who once discussed the thought of marriage could turn around and tear down everything those plans stood upon. This is an open letter to you. An apology for the things I did and the things I said. Thanks for everything.

These hearts aren't broken. The lovers touch has finally healed them, but its not about healing this heart for yourself. Its about finding the one that can help pick up the pieces after everything's shattered. These broken hearts. These broken hearts are the least of our worries, as long as you find the one that'll help you through everything. She may rip your heart out, but she'll put it back stronger than ever. She'll take it as a parting gift when the distance becomes too far, but that time is only fleeting. It wont be long before the distance is no more. The hearts will find their way. This love is THE love. There's none quite like it. this is really the strongest - there is no greater love than this. No artificial heart is stronger than these organic hearts. This is us. This is our life. This is our love.